I aired my inner masochist today but I was conflicted. Should I have holes drilled into my teeth whilst listening to Palin screeching about who knows what or something equally as painful. Like peering in on America’s favorite soothsayer of doom and gloom, that gaseous windbag and hero of the dementia crowd, Limbaugh. I choose the later. You never know what you’re gonna get and I like surprises. Well, I got to listen to him having a vein bursting aneurism trying to convince (again) his sad and sorry listeners that global climate change is a hoax. A hoax and a lie straight from hell. And Michele Obama. After a few minutes of visualizing him spraying his golden EIB dildo with poisonous saliva, he had to give one of his dwindling sponsors an opportunity to peddle their wares to the weak minded and gullible. But not just any gullibility, no this crowd must be his core audience. The real die hard true believers. What is it they say about advertizing and demographics? Something about correlations? Well gang, the sponsor who bought the coveted time was a company that was selling (wait for it) a secret money code. But not just any money code. Oh no. This one is the rel dil. The one found in the bible. Yep, Send in $29.95, two box tops and you too can gain access to one of the grandest mysteries of the universe. You know, the one that god his-self planted there; in English just to fuck with us and give us something to do. It would be like winning a lottery! You’d be your own god! The ultimate encryption revealed! For a modest price of course. The quality goes in before the name goes on. And if you’re stupid enough to send these yahoos anything and don’t have much luck afterwards, you must be reading it wrong.
Now explain to me why this mucus excreting slug is referred to as the head of conservative ideologues. Better yet, explain why he gets away with pretending to have credibility. Secret bible money code my ass.